Treasures from Heaven!

...“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed..." Luke 10:41-42

What a productive week I've had, beginning Saturday when I began caring for my friend's garden on her farm.  Up early in the morning so I can get out and pick tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, peppers, figs and so on.  Collecting this much produce means having a way to keep it, so I took up canning and preserving jams!  I've worked hard, caring for the garden and weeding where I can and then coming home and spending all day canning.  Ayana has been caring for the little ones while I manage the food and cleaning of the house. 

When I finally finished canning today, I took the opportunity to clean.  I washed windows, cabinets, toilets, counters, swept floors, etc.   I had been listening to the news while I cleaned and felt all tense inside.  I decided I needed to change the atmosphere of my heart so I turned on some worship music from a "WOW" cd.  I was down on the floor scrubbing some spots out of the linoleum when the song "Cinderella" came on, by Steven Curtis Chapman.  As I listened and sang along I found myself crying.  It was almost eight o clock at night and my kids were upstairs in my room watching a movie while I was scrubbing floors.  I'd worked all day on canning and cooking, without spending any time with the kids and I took the last of my free time to clean my house.  Giving my house and my anxiety more attention than my children. I sang the words "'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight, And she'll be gone..." and I broke down.  I thought more of my 15 and 12 year old girls than anything.  I decided to take the rest of the evening to hang with my kids, even though three of them weren't here. 

I gave the baby girls a bath and sat in my room watching Jake dance (like a professional) to "Step Up 3".  The little ones played and Ayana talked about how she wished she could be a dancer like the people on TV.  I recorded the kids on video before they went to bed.  I've spent the remainder of the night listening to some good teachings and preachings on TV and filling my heart with treasures from Heaven!  Like my kids, seven treasures from Heaven!

Pressing onward toward the goal...

2 Timothy 2:3-15
   Share in suffering like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving in the army gets entangled in everyday affairs; the soldier’s aim is to please the enlisting officer. And in the case of an athlete, no one is crowned without competing according to the rules. It is the farmer who does the work who ought to have the first share of the crops. Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in all things.


      There is almost not a day that goes by that I don't hear the words "I don't know how you do it!".  To be honest, it makes me question myself!  How do I DO I do it?  When that overwhelming thought enters my mind, I have to push passed it quickly before I freeze!  My thought is "I have no choice, so I do it!" 


     There is nothing perfect about the way I handle my life and there is nothing admirable about caring for your family, it's what we are supposed to do!  I spend many days questioning the quality of my "work"!  Finding myself sleepless as I account for the way I handled, or didn't handle, the events of the day and the needs of my family. "Did I even make eye contact with Nathan today?  Did I touch Jacob or hug him?  Have I said anything encouraging to Emily?  Did I ignore Gramma when she had something valid to say?  Does Maddie think Ayana is her mother?  Does Ayana feel like Cinderella?  Have I listened to anything Sam had to say today? Am I the reason Sarah screams from sun up to sun down?  Have I forgotten to mention anyone on this list?" I could go on and on.


    Gramma has reached an aggressive, angry stage of dementia.  She has accident's all day long, she gets into food, chemicals, drawers and whatever else you might expect a two year old to get into. I'm just thankful she can't climb!  With anger and confusion, coupled with her unintentional "menacing" behavior, she is a full time job all by herself. 


The average day might be look like this:
Sarah and Maddie wake up screaming
Jacob, Maddie and Sarah whine and cry until they get breakfast
Diapers are changed, laundry, dishes and cleaning begin
Change dress and feed Gramma
Older children begin asking "can i go here, can i go there, can i do this or that?
Bickering begins immediately
I have to make a grocery list and use ads and coupons
I have to make a menu
I have to grocery shop
I've got to time naps and grocery shopping so Ayana is not overwhelmed with all of the little ones and Gramma
lunch time, clean up, nap time, laundry, diapers, gramma's shower, put gramma's clothes back in her drawer
keep gramma from wandering outside between kids in and out
make sure gramma hasn't taken off her diaper and peed everywhere (or the other)
keep maddie off of the stairs
supervise chores
prepare for dinner, cook and serve dinner, clean up dinner
get kids and gramma dressed and ready for bed, replace gramma's washed bedding and give her medicine
clean up after kids are in bed
*all three little ones scream, yell, destroy and fight from morning til night. this aggitates gramma and she yells at me all day long


    This does not include finances, going to church, driving kids to school or testing, doctors, selling gramma's house, dealing with emergencies or any other routine situation.


    I am very hard on myself!  I feel my house should be clean, my kids should be clean and well dressed, I should be calm and have a great attitude and I should be fit and thin!!!!  Instead of focusing on the accomplishments of the day, I break myself apart in failure!!!  What counterproductive thing to do!!!  On the outside though, I smile and try to speak positive and hold it all together.  For the sake of my kids mostly.


    People look at me and think I've got it so together!  I don't! Come and be a fly on the wall.  It's by HIS Grace alone that I make it through each day!  Focusing on what today brings so that tomorrow will be worth looking forward to.  My goal is to do God's will.  That's it!  Whether I do it perfectly or not was never the requirement!