I just wanna praise Him!

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

I need to describe my day for the simple purpose of getting it from the inside to the outside without any type of hazmat team required to clean up the mess. I’ll not get into the past two weeks, or even yesterday, but the past weeks can be summed up by the events of just today. Yet, at the end of every day, “I just wanna praise Him!”

I woke up at 6am to get four of the children to Covington for school. Jacob is struggling with “school life” and I have to physically remove him from his bed, dress him, fix breakfast and lunches, and then physically place Jacob in the car and then remove him from the car and place him on the steps of the school.

From there, I went back home to Social Circle to pick up my very dangerous van to drop off back in Conyers to find out why it was rattling like a dump truck. Before leaving, I had to strip Gramma’s bed, clean and dress her and clean the puddle of urine off of the floor. Maddie, Sarah and Gramma were home with a hired sitter for the morning. Four hours and $303.00 later, I had ONE new tire and they had all been rotated and balanced.

Since it was a half day at school, John had to pick up the kids, but then had an emergency and to met me with them. Then back home to fix lunch and get some chores done. 30 min after arriving home, Gramma flips out on Emily (again) and I have to forcibly put her in her room, at which point she begins attacking me, scratching, pinching and then harming herself by trying to slam her own hands in the door. With the screaming and violence, I decided to call her doctor. “Call 911!” was the response I got. Given the few weeks I’d had, I decided it was not a good idea to call 911. First, it would make me look bad, second, it was bad for the kids. I battled her to the car and took her to the ER. Thankfully, my dear friend Gloria showed up after a while to help the kids at home.

While at the hospital, they discovered a very mild UTI and handed me a phone number to call on Monday. (?) Now what? A shot of Ativan and back to the car. Gramma still dressed in her gown because her pants had gotten wet.

Arriving home, I had to load all of the children up into the van and make a two hour trip to Canton to bring Sam, Nathan and Emily to their dad and give up my dog of almost 2 years. She had begun biting neighbor’s children and they were threatening to report us. I love my dog, but I don’t want to put anyone in jeopardy or go to jail. So in the van are my 7 children, a dog and a doped up elderly woman with dementia in a hospital gown. I’m exhausted at this point and have already gotten the news that John will be late because one of his men on the railroad their own emergency and he had to finish up the work.

On the way to Canton I discovered that Sarah was wearing a dress but had no panties on. Not to mention the fact that I had forgotten to bring any diapers for Maddie on this 4-5 hour journey. (Mother of the year) Although I am driving with newly balanced tires, the van is now so far out of alignment that it is practically swaying from side to side as I tried to steer. Then the "low tire pressure" light came on! Meanwhile, the kids were screaming and fighting and Gramma was talking incessantly. The 30 minute stand-still traffic jam didn’t help.  Although, I was convicted for feeling annoyed at traffic when someone’s life had just been altered by a terrible accident.

We made it to Woodstock and hit a nasty thunderstorm. The rain was so heavy I could not see and slowed to a crawl. We finally crawled into Canton and made it to the kids’ dad’s house. I dropped off some kids and my beloved dog, Hollie, and headed home.

The little ones were over it by now and I had to stop at Chick Fil-A for a bite. I pulled over and ran back and forth with food and drinks for the kids. Then Sarah says “I have to pee!” Ok, this is not a possible situation. I can’t leave Gramma in the van with Jake and Maddie, but I can’t bring them all in either. I decided to convince Sarah that she did not have to pee! My plan worked! I got a few miles down the road and Maddie started screaming “THIRSTY”! So I pulled over again and gave everyone another drink.  Every 30 seconds Gramma was trying to give someone her fries, then she was pulling the lids off of the drinks and then she agte my sandwich.

On the road again! By the time I reached I-20 home, I was exhausted and almost tearful. I knew my house was a mess and there were flies everywhere and my children still needed diapers and I’d have to get Gramma changed and in bed and so on. I was beginning to get overwhelmed and turned on 104.7 the Fish. Mary Mary’s “Shakles” was playing and I remembered that I just wanted to praise Him!!! So I did! Chains fell off and I felt relieved. I remembered what I was thankful for. About that time I came into Covington and my eye randomly started burning and tearing until I couldn’t see out of it. I almost pulled over, but I prayed and said “Lord, I need my eye!” It cleared up! Then I drove into another terrible storm and my wipers weren’t working properly. Whatever, I just wanna praise Him! I praised us the rest of the way home.

I made it home, I got Gramma in bed, John put the little ones down and now I’m blogging! Ahhhh…thank the Lord I made it home, safely, with my children and Gramma. Thank you ,Lord! I get to wake up tomorrow and live another day, God willing, and praise Him AGAIN! This IS the day that the Lord has made, I DID rejoice and be glad, Amen!

Treasures from Heaven!

...“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed..." Luke 10:41-42

What a productive week I've had, beginning Saturday when I began caring for my friend's garden on her farm.  Up early in the morning so I can get out and pick tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, peppers, figs and so on.  Collecting this much produce means having a way to keep it, so I took up canning and preserving jams!  I've worked hard, caring for the garden and weeding where I can and then coming home and spending all day canning.  Ayana has been caring for the little ones while I manage the food and cleaning of the house. 

When I finally finished canning today, I took the opportunity to clean.  I washed windows, cabinets, toilets, counters, swept floors, etc.   I had been listening to the news while I cleaned and felt all tense inside.  I decided I needed to change the atmosphere of my heart so I turned on some worship music from a "WOW" cd.  I was down on the floor scrubbing some spots out of the linoleum when the song "Cinderella" came on, by Steven Curtis Chapman.  As I listened and sang along I found myself crying.  It was almost eight o clock at night and my kids were upstairs in my room watching a movie while I was scrubbing floors.  I'd worked all day on canning and cooking, without spending any time with the kids and I took the last of my free time to clean my house.  Giving my house and my anxiety more attention than my children. I sang the words "'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight, And she'll be gone..." and I broke down.  I thought more of my 15 and 12 year old girls than anything.  I decided to take the rest of the evening to hang with my kids, even though three of them weren't here. 

I gave the baby girls a bath and sat in my room watching Jake dance (like a professional) to "Step Up 3".  The little ones played and Ayana talked about how she wished she could be a dancer like the people on TV.  I recorded the kids on video before they went to bed.  I've spent the remainder of the night listening to some good teachings and preachings on TV and filling my heart with treasures from Heaven!  Like my kids, seven treasures from Heaven!

Why bother?

Why do I bother buying toys when all they want to play with is the dishes and boxes???   Then I waste my money buying clothes and diapers that they won't wear!!! And then there's the cleaning...

Pressing onward toward the goal...

2 Timothy 2:3-15
   Share in suffering like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving in the army gets entangled in everyday affairs; the soldier’s aim is to please the enlisting officer. And in the case of an athlete, no one is crowned without competing according to the rules. It is the farmer who does the work who ought to have the first share of the crops. Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in all things.


      There is almost not a day that goes by that I don't hear the words "I don't know how you do it!".  To be honest, it makes me question myself!  How do I DO I do it?  When that overwhelming thought enters my mind, I have to push passed it quickly before I freeze!  My thought is "I have no choice, so I do it!" 


     There is nothing perfect about the way I handle my life and there is nothing admirable about caring for your family, it's what we are supposed to do!  I spend many days questioning the quality of my "work"!  Finding myself sleepless as I account for the way I handled, or didn't handle, the events of the day and the needs of my family. "Did I even make eye contact with Nathan today?  Did I touch Jacob or hug him?  Have I said anything encouraging to Emily?  Did I ignore Gramma when she had something valid to say?  Does Maddie think Ayana is her mother?  Does Ayana feel like Cinderella?  Have I listened to anything Sam had to say today? Am I the reason Sarah screams from sun up to sun down?  Have I forgotten to mention anyone on this list?" I could go on and on.


    Gramma has reached an aggressive, angry stage of dementia.  She has accident's all day long, she gets into food, chemicals, drawers and whatever else you might expect a two year old to get into. I'm just thankful she can't climb!  With anger and confusion, coupled with her unintentional "menacing" behavior, she is a full time job all by herself. 


The average day might be look like this:
Sarah and Maddie wake up screaming
Jacob, Maddie and Sarah whine and cry until they get breakfast
Diapers are changed, laundry, dishes and cleaning begin
Change dress and feed Gramma
Older children begin asking "can i go here, can i go there, can i do this or that?
Bickering begins immediately
I have to make a grocery list and use ads and coupons
I have to make a menu
I have to grocery shop
I've got to time naps and grocery shopping so Ayana is not overwhelmed with all of the little ones and Gramma
lunch time, clean up, nap time, laundry, diapers, gramma's shower, put gramma's clothes back in her drawer
keep gramma from wandering outside between kids in and out
make sure gramma hasn't taken off her diaper and peed everywhere (or the other)
keep maddie off of the stairs
supervise chores
prepare for dinner, cook and serve dinner, clean up dinner
get kids and gramma dressed and ready for bed, replace gramma's washed bedding and give her medicine
clean up after kids are in bed
*all three little ones scream, yell, destroy and fight from morning til night. this aggitates gramma and she yells at me all day long


    This does not include finances, going to church, driving kids to school or testing, doctors, selling gramma's house, dealing with emergencies or any other routine situation.


    I am very hard on myself!  I feel my house should be clean, my kids should be clean and well dressed, I should be calm and have a great attitude and I should be fit and thin!!!!  Instead of focusing on the accomplishments of the day, I break myself apart in failure!!!  What counterproductive thing to do!!!  On the outside though, I smile and try to speak positive and hold it all together.  For the sake of my kids mostly.


    People look at me and think I've got it so together!  I don't! Come and be a fly on the wall.  It's by HIS Grace alone that I make it through each day!  Focusing on what today brings so that tomorrow will be worth looking forward to.  My goal is to do God's will.  That's it!  Whether I do it perfectly or not was never the requirement!